What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 04:01
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
How do I explain to my husband that my 19-year-old son has accidentally gotten me pregnant?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Is parental involvement in their daughters' marriages beneficial? Why or why not?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
What does it mean to live "the 'underconsumption' life"?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My life is so biszare .
I have BPD. Why do I destroy everyone I love?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It was going to be , some day.
Who then, do I blame.?
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She wouldn,t have been !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She loved him until the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Was to survive, this bastard.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
We were not on the streets..
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Comes on , in middle age.
Ive learnt so much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was very sick at this time too.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was scared of men, in general
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We all went to grammer schools
I waited trembling.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
All the time i was locked up.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I never cut or harmed myself..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why did i forgive my father ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She married twice! .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And i lived it daily.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He knew the spot.
Would this be the day?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She found it foreign!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot live in the past .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So, i spoilt her more .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Put me off passion for life!!
When she asked me how she looked .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Especially a lifetime of it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
This is soul school!.
What did i know ?
I think the readers, may guess!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im still living with it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I have no regrets .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I said to her
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So whats the point in blame.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..